Tuesday, 21 February 2017

CAN YOU KEEP UP WITH A KARDASHIAN?

The latest in the, oh-so-charming Protein World ads: Can I, Laura Darrall, keep up with a Kardashian? Well, frankly my dear, it depends on how fast one runs. Probably not very fast considering that cheese cutter of a swimsuit. The front and back wedgie produced when moving at an increasing rate of velocity in that piece of dental floss would halt any well-respecting, vadge-wielding being pretty quickly.


And yes, I know this poor hopeful Kardashian has clearly had her legs oiled to increase aerodynamics and possibly even shaved her legs a la Bradley Wiggins to help her along but alas, the fact that her team have let her cardigan slip off her shoulders, thus creating a potential wind-drag and even an element of the parachute, means they clearly haven’t put in the hard work and attention to detail needed for speed.


And then there’s the hair. Oh Khloe, Khloe, Khloe. You poor love. Any attempt at a race is going to result in tangles, hair in mouth and undoubtedly eye-whip. Where’s the head-band, the scrunchies, the grips?! Whoever the team is behind putting Khloe Kardashian up for a race has clearly not considered the dangers encountered with flowing locks.
THERE WILL BE MATTING: SWEATY, HORRIBLE MATTING.


And it gets worse. I know, where can you go after matting? I’ll tell you where… sagging. They’ve forgotten to give the poor woman a sports bra. How the hell do you expect Khloe Kardashian to compete with the general public when her breasts will be planning more escapes than the prisoners of Colditz?! There is the danger of concussion, the aforementioned sag, let alone the general- OWWWWW- as she runs clutching her weighty mammaries with only her feeble mits to support them.


They’ve not even decked her out with shoes. Instead, they’ve given her leg warmers. YEAH THAT’LL HELP IN A RACE!

I warned Protein World last time they put a poor unsuspecting woman on one of their adverts before she was in fact ‘beach body ready’ (not a bucket or spade in sight) and now they’ve gone and done it again. When will they learn?! http://ferryegg.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/beach-body-ready-or-not.html


So to answer your question P.W. Yes, I most definitely can keep up with a Kardashian and, in my Marks and Spencers basic briefs, can probably overtake one pretty sharpish too.
And as for the 30 day challenge... here’s my 30 day challenge to you: how about you stop patronising women in your adverts and start empowering them yeah? There’s a good Protein World.



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